the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
