Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
