They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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