I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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