I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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