Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
