i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
