There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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