after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
