There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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