I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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