She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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