Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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