Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
