3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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