just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
