Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
