something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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