at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
