Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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