I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They are going to name an STD after you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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