This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
