so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
