I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
