You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
