I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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