summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i will never coherently bang her
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
