Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize