He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
