i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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