when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
