Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
