someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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