I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
