i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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