i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
