There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
