Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
