what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
