she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
