Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
