I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
