lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
