So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
