I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
