Someone shit on the floor
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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