She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize