I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
