You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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