oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
