he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
