there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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