could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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