it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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