She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize