I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
