So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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