i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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