i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize