East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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