my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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