Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
