I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
