Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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