apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
