Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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