porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
