I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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