when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
